It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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