That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
this is an emotional support booty call
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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