This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
