every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
