Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
