i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
