If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We have started to decorate penises.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
