i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
