i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
