she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
