weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
