There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
