You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
