Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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