I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
