HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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