i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
