Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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