just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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