dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
