i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
