My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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