I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
