If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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