isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
