Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
