i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
