Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize