No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
