I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
