So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
