I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
