It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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