Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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