I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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