tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
