Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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