He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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