She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We need to get me chipped asap
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
