Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize