youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just tell him i said nine months
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
