Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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