So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
