I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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