Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
