I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize