my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
