You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
