3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
