you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I didn't notice because vodka
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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