i just google imaged poop.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
