Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
