she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The power of my boobs compel you
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize