I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
