Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
