made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
