I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
