Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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