Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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