She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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