My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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