Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
