It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
