Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
