i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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