Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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