Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
