Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
