im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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