my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
