i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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