Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize