i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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